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Nifty ways to leave your lover
2008-01-14
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Nifty ways to leave your lover
By Mrs Moneypenny
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Breaking up is never much fun, even though these days there are lots of different ways to do it. Take Cost Centre #1, for instance. A few weeks ago he finished with his girlfriend. He did at least do this by telephone, rather than by e-mail or (worse still) text message. But having put down the telephone, he went straight on to the internet, and altered her official status on his Facebook page.
Apparently this relayed the news automatically to everyone linked to his page as a “friend” – some 300 people.
I have to say it makes me glad my teenage dating took place in the pre-internet years. It is bad enough to be handed your P45, but far worse to have 300 people notified of the fact within 30 minutes.
Anyway, CC#1 is now single, or, as his Facebook page says, “not currently in a relationship”.
The Lovely Lucinda is also not currently in a relationship. This is not because she is working so hard for me, what with having to pay my congestion charge and recover my laptop from taxis. It is not even because she is spending so many evenings on her course in bridal flower arranging. In fact I am not sure why LL is single, since she is very beautiful, gracious and kind, and delightful company. While she has been working for me, she has had at least two reasonably serious relationships, but neither of them has come to much.
Like many, if not most, of my single girlfriends, she has also tried internet dating with mixed success. Recently, irritated with her lack of progress in finding someone to marry, she took a week off work and registered with a very upmarket dating agency. Did it need a week? LL tells me that it was a very long and detailed process, with lots of form-filling and an extensive interview.
To me that sounds more like a VAT inspection than a process likely to end in matrimony, but what do I know?
I married a man I met through being randomly seated next to him on a flight – which is as close to computer dating as I was likely to get.
LL also had to write a thumping great cheque to the dating agency. This, I was told, represented a serious investment. Sacrifices would have to be made.
But then LL hit on a novel way of paying for the dating agency. A few weeks earlier, she had bumped into her first husband at some party or other. Yes, LL had a starter marriage. I have never inquired into the causes of its demise but it seems to have been reasonably amicable, although she had not seen the chap for five years. He, though, clearly remains very fond of LL, asking after her wellbeing and wondering whether there was anything he could do for her.
Put on the spot, she couldn't think of anything. (That's the difference between us. Should any ex-boyfriend ask me that question, I would think instantly of a list of things starting with a grouse moor and ending with a Hermes scarf.) But after thinking about it for a few days, LL rang her old flame and told him that, yes, there was something he could do. Would he please pay the bill for the dating agency?
This doesn't seem unreasonable to me. As her first husband isn't going to be the person to father LL's children and take care of her for the next 40 years or so, he could at least help to find someone else to do the job. Indeed, such a practice could even become a new kind of outplacement. Every divorcée should be offered this service – along with anyone in a long-term relationship when it comes to an end.
I can see great potential in this. LL inadvertently may have hit on a very practical solution to (a) the guilt of the departing party and (b) the problem of being put on the secondary market and having to find someone new.
Incidentally, her former husband agreed to her request immediately, took her out to dinner last week and handed over the cash. I shall keep you posted.
So perhaps CC#1 should have offered to pay for his girlfriend to join an internet dating service by way of helping her with her outplacement? Maybe. Though telling 300 Facebook friends that he has broken up with her amounts to pretty much the same thing.
情人分手也上网
作者：英国《金融时报》专栏作家钱眼太太(Mrs Moneypenny)
2007年12月18日 星期二
分手从来都不是件开心的事情，即使现在有很多不同的分手方式。以成本中心1号为例，几周前，他和女友分手了。至少他用的是打电话的方式，而不是发邮件或（更糟糕的）发短信。但挂掉电话后，他直接上了网，在他的Facebook页面上修改了她的官方状态。
显然，这自动地将消息传递给了与他页面相连的每位“友人”——大约有300个人。
我不得不说，我很庆幸自己青少年时代的约会是在互联网出现之前。拿到你的P45已经够糟糕了，但更糟的是有300个人在半小时内就知道了这件事。
但不管怎么说，成本中心1号现在是单身，换言之，正如他Facebook页面上写的：“目前没有恋爱”。
可爱的露辛达现在也没谈恋爱。这不是因为她辛苦地为我工作，帮我付拥堵费，为我找回落在出租车上的笔记本电脑。这甚至也不是因为她花了太多个晚上学习婚礼插花。实际上，我不明白为什么可爱的露辛达还是单身，因为她非常漂亮、高雅和善良，而且是个令人愉快的伙伴。在她为我工作期间，她有过至少两段相当认真的恋爱，但都不了了之。
与我许多（如果说不是多数）单身女友一样，她也尝试过网恋，但成功与否就难说了。最近，她对于自己在寻找结婚对象方面的裹足不前感到恼怒，于是请了一周假，到一家非常高档的婚介所去注册。这需要一周的时间吗？可爱的露辛达告诉我，这是个非常漫长而细致的过程，要填很多表格，还有一个详尽的面试。
对我而言，这听上去更像一次增值税审查，而不是一个可能以婚姻为结局的过程，但我知道什么？
我嫁给了一个在飞机上遇到的男人，我当时完全是随机地被安排在他旁边——这是我最接近电脑速配的经历。
可爱的露辛达还得给那家婚介所一张金额庞大的支票。我被告知，这代表着一项严肃的投资。必须要做出牺牲。
但后来，可爱的露辛达偶然发现了一种为婚介所付钱的新颖方法。几周前，她在某个聚会或其它什么地方遇到了她的第一任丈夫。是的，可爱的露辛达以前结过婚。我从没询问过这次婚姻结束的原因，但那似乎是相当平和的分手，不过她已经5年没见过那个家伙了。不过，他显然仍非常喜欢可爱的露辛达，还询问她的近况，问能为她做点儿什么。
处于这种尴尬境地的她，想不出任何东西。（这就是我们之间的区别。如果我的前男友问我这个问题，我会立刻想到一连串事情，从松鸡猎地到爱马仕(Hermes)围巾。）但考虑了几天后，可爱的露辛达给她的老相好打了个电话，告诉他，是的，有件事他可以为她做。他愿意为她付钱给那家婚介所吗？
在我看来，这没什么不合理的。因为她的第一任丈夫不能成为可爱的露辛达孩子们的爹，而且也不能在未来40年左右的时间里照顾她，他至少可以帮她找其他什么人做这项工作。的确，这种事甚至可以成为一种新的新职介绍。每个离婚的人都应该得到这种服务——还有那些结束长期恋爱关系的人。
我能够看到这里边有着巨大的潜力。可爱的露辛达可能是无意中偶然找到了一种非常务实方法，解决以下两个问题：一是缓解离去一方的罪恶感，二是被置于二手市场上、必须找个新人的问题。
顺便说一句，她的前夫立即同意了她的请求，上周带她出去吃晚餐，还给了她现金。我会及时通报最新情况的。
因此，或许成本中心1号本应给他的女朋友一笔钱，让她去参加一个网络相亲服务，以这种方式帮她找个新男友？或许吧。不过告诉Facebook上的300个朋友他们分手了，也相当于起到了同样的效果。
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